Sunday, August 23, 2009

Happiness is a journey, and it's a nice one to be on

Almost two months ago, I closed the doors to the business I have run for 7 years. It was bittersweet, as I had put so much of myself into it, in so many ways, but through it all, I never looked back or had much of a doubt in my mind that this was the right thing for me. Guess that seven year itch gets me every time, or something. Nah, that wasn't it... though my life does indeed go in seven year cycles. Months ago, I did something that began the chain of events that ended one era for me, and opened the door to THE REST OF MY LIFE. I simply gave myself permission to make changes in my life - if I wanted to - meaning that I could change my career, change my place/state/island of residence, change my mind, change my LIFE.

And I did.

Though it began as giving myself permission to think of a life totally different than the one I was living - simply entertaining the possibility - it quickly became a plan, then a reality. It is said that Saturn return is a period in our lives in which we experience unrest, upheaval and the onset of "true" adulthood, bringing about major changes, often including leaving relationships and/ or careers behind. The first Saturn return also is said to bring self-evaluation, independence, ambition, and self actualization. Yup.

Over the course of the 2008-2009 Nicole year (June to June), I had begun to realize that the career I once found amazing, challenging and inspiring, had become anything but. I no longer had that dynamic, creative zest for what I did, in an industry I once loved. My creativity and passion for jewelry, gemology and design, once brilliantly flourishing, was as barren as a desert. I felt the life being sucked out of me, by the very thing I once loved, and it was taking a major toll on my physical and mental health. To boot, I was no longer running the business, it was running me. INTOTHEGROUND. I decided that I would rather be an inspired starving artist, than to continue to essentially whore myself and my talents out, for anyone, anything, any amount of money. Well that all happened pretty quickly, starving-artist-dom, there have been a few weeks where I couldn't afford groceries. Self-fulfilling prophecies have always been my thing...

Now, two months later I find myself in a better place than I have ever been. Gone is the regular, comfortable income that afforded me my once desirable and enviable lifestyle. Instead, what it has been replaced with is a beautiful thing. Calm, serenity, inspiration. Appreciation of simple pleasures, everyday adventures and ordinary miracles. I have time to read, write, dance, dream. I can again create art - in the many forms in which I am inclined - just because I want to. There are lots of things that I don't have, that I once prized and held onto tightly, such as money and a tight, flat stomach, but those things are less important these days, as I realize and define for myself the things which truly bring me happiness. Life is short, life is funny, life is indeed what we make of it. We can't buy happiness, but we can create it. I've always been good at creating things and this one is my greatest work of art yet.


"Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it's too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow." - Paul H. Dunn
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3 comments:

Wreggie said...

I thought June to June were Wreggie years.

I have been fired 3 different times and they all led me to a new life.

Now that I am self employed it is not as easy to get fired to a new life.

You were brave.

TerryC said...

Yay!

(Pssst....is that a bottle of Windex in your hand?)

Nicole said...

Haha! I was self-employed, and fired myself to a new life I guess!

Not Windex, mama. Stella Artois! My signature post-skydive beverage :)

a diamond in the rough

a diamond in the rough
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