Monday, February 22, 2010

Think outside the box

... a funny title, when I have always felt constricted when typing in small boxes such as this one for my blog entry. Thanks, Blogger.

But really...

When I was younger, I felt confined, boxed in. I guess when we learn that we exist, and are real creatures who live and breathe, it seems odd that we live in boxes, both literally and figuratively. Houses, neighborhoods, states which are tiny boxes on maps and in atlases. We then begin to learn about "our place" in society, our figurative boxes. I never felt I had one of those, or that I was in the right one, or maybe that I just didn't believe I belonged where I was. As I grew up and learned, I figured out how to put myself in the right box; the things to do and to say. Eventually I even found boxes that felt right to me, where I found some comfort and familiarity. Finally, I found myself in many boxes, fitting into all, but not at the same time. If I was a dancer, I couldn't play basketball or learn karate. If I was an artist, I shouldn't be smart. If I got straight A's, I shouldn't have fun and go out on the weekends. If I worked hard, I should never take time off. It took me years to "fit into" the boxes I wanted to, and when I finally did, I worried about the real person I was coming through and ruining it all, sending me tumbling through space, purgatory, falling without a chute, being lost. Many times in my life I have felt trapped in situations, and almost always felt that they were beyond my control. That feeling of being boxed in, with no way out and nowhere to go. Most of the time I have created the boxes that have restrained me, and/ or been afraid to test the likely thin walls, again, both figuratively and literally.

Then I guess we have those moments. Those experiences in life that make us wake up and realize what matters. Trauma, heartbreak, death, life... Growing up. It makes so many things matter less, and puts much into perspective. Without going into detail, I know that I have choices now, and I can be and do whatever I want. I can be an artist and an athlete, I can be smart and still be silly. I can be mature and still have fun, I can work hard and still enjoy well deserved time off. I've reinvented myself many times in my short life, and still remain that I have only improved with each renaissance. I own the boxes of my life, but have broken them down to where I can pull from them when and what I need. I've merged the box contents, to make an indivisible being. Something I know I should be happy with, and mostly I am. I am many things I am proud of, and will never let that change.

Happy New Year.
Share:

2 comments:

Wreggie said...

It is far too late in the year to wish me a happy new year. Maybe an Asian New Year but not a Times Square New York New Year.

TerryC said...

Boxy, but nice ;-) !!

a diamond in the rough

a diamond in the rough
Powered by Blogger.

Follow me...

BTemplates.com